Confessions in the Dark

Posted on Wed Oct 17th, 2018 @ 2:28pm by Lieutenant Commander Catrina (Cat) Tendai & Commander Abigail Prescott

2,350 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Mission 1: The Return to Faltan
Location: Communications Hub
Timeline: MD02 - 2345

Mint couldn't sleep, her stomach was churning something fierce. So, she'd decided on a late night walk, hoping the fresh air would help. In the corridor, she looked longingly at Harry's door. A fresh wave of embarrassment flooded through her as she remembered the events of the day. Once in the lift, she let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. 'Uggh, I reaaalllly hope the fresh air helps...' She groaned as she leaned against the wall. She couldn't figure out why she was so sick, but idly wondered if she looked greener than usual. A small smile crossed her face before bile began to rise in her throat. She barely made it to the public bathroom on the main level of the residential building before losing the contents of her stomach.

Once the shaking had died down, she cleaned up and made her way outside. The cool night air did feel good on her now sweaty skin, but she wasn't sure if the air or vomiting had made her feel better. As the jelly leg sensation finally died down, Mint started wandering around, mind spinning. She thought about maybe recording a message for her dad and the twins, giving them an update on how things were going. While thinking, her feet carried her to the Comm Hub. It was dark inside, and just as she was about to ask the computer to bring the lighting up to ten percent, she heard a computerized voice. "Unable to locate signal."

"Hello?" she called out tentatively, wondering who would be sitting in the comm hub in the dark attempting to call someone at this hour.

Cat had hidden herself away, still wishing that something would work for her. When the voice repeated the same thing she’d been hearing over and over, she slammed her hand against the wall. When a different voice asked hello, she jumped and looked across in the darkness. “Computer, lighting ten percent.” The lights came up and she sighed. “Hi, Mint,” she stated sadly.

"Cat?" Mint moved further into the room before noticing how upset the woman appeared. "Are you ok? What's wrong?" she moved to Cat's side but didn't touch her, unsure of whether or not she'd appreciate being touched or hugged.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she stated in a very unconvincing voice. Cat sat against the wall behind her, fighting the tears that were trying to well up in her eyes.

Kneeling in front of her, Mint shook her head. "I don't believe that," she said softly. "Cat... you can trust me... what's wrong?" She tentatively reached forward and put a slightly clammy hand over Cat's.

Looking to Mint, Cat shook her head. How could she tell anyone? “This damn thing won’t do what I want it to. It won’t help me find...” She stopped herself.

Mint looked at the device in Cat's hand and frowned. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "You don't have to tell me who or why, but just know I'm here for you." She could feel tears welling up in her own eyes and reached the hand that wasn't on Cat's up to wipe one away. "Aww... hell... why am I crying?" she muttered....

Cat wasn’t sure what to make of Mint crying, but knew why she was crying as a few stray tears hit her cheeks. She gave a one word answer, which was barely even a whisper. “Sarah...”

Mint looked up sharply at the name. The only 'Sarah' she knew of on the station was Dufrai. And she'd recently gone MIA. Did Cat know her somehow, or was there someone else with the same first name she was looking for? "Cat?" Mint said, ignoring the wetness on her cheeks. "Who's Sarah?" she asked gently.

Looking down at her hands, Cat sighed softly. Mint had to know her, right? “Dufrai,” she whispered again, wiping one of her own tears away.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. "Were you close?" she inquired, not trusting herself not to make a bigger mess of this situation.

“I..really don’t know. I...” Cat took a shaky breath. “Remember when I told you I never let anyone get close? Kind of my own barriers and such because of what happened to me? I let her in. I don’t know what it is about her but...” she bit her lip and more tears came flowing down onto her cheeks.

"I kind of know that feeling," Mint sighed, trying to figure out why her heart was being wrenched so much by Cat. "I... I may have let someone in too.. I.." she tipped her head back, moved her legs so her bum could hit the floor, and let out a deep sigh. "God, it's so hard to put this into words... but ... I think... I... I think I'm in love..." she finally blurted. "But your situation is worse than mine.. I'm so sorry Cat..." Tears really starting flowing for her, and she leaned forward and pulled Cat into a hug. 'Why am I crying? Why am I so emotional? What is wrong with me?!?'

Accepting the hug, Cat buried her head against Mint’s shoulder. When she’d mentioned the word love, she tried to figure out if that’s what she felt for Sarah. Her heart ached so much she couldn’t focus. “I keep trying to...reach her on her emergency beacon, she said I could any time...but she..she..” She knew that Mint knew she was missing, that much was obvious. Pulling back, she wiped a few of Mint’s tears away. “Yo..you okay?”

Mint sniffled and nodded. "I honestly don't know why I'm crying," she whispered and rubbed her face. "I've been so tired lately, maybe I'm overtired." She gave a half laugh and shook her head. "Look, if there's anything I can do for you," she said watching Cat's face, "I'm here for you... I know this can't be easy."

Listening to what Mint was saying, she became concerned, but decided to say something to the last part first. “I just..I want her to answer. I can’t focus on anything. I keep wanting to go find her myself.” She wiped another one of Mint’s tears away. “I noticed you tired at the briefing. Maybe..you should go see one of the doctors? Cant’t hurt. You weren’t this tired when I first got here, and you were doing twice as much work.”

"I think it's all catching up with me," she admitted, then gave Cat a smile that she tried to hide. "I also haven't been sleeping in my own bed lately." She shook her head but then pressed a hand to her forehead. "Ugh. Headache," she muttered with a frown. "Maybe I should see a doctor..." So many things weren't making sense anymore. "But this isn't about me..."

Cat frowned at the headache that Mint was getting, but didn’t press anything. But she shook her head, “Why is this hurting so much...her missing...”

"The unknown," Mint tilted her head to the side. "Missing, lost, it's all unclear, and some of the implications... well, we never want to think about that. The pain of loss is something I don't wish on anyone," she whispered the last bit.

“But I just met her, all these feelings.” Cat closed her eyes, “I don’t understand. How...”

"Sometimes that's just the way our hearts work," Mint frowned, remembering her mother's words to her sister after her first big breakup. "They go and do silly things like this and make us wonder how or why. But your heart's never wrong," she smiled and nodded. "Sometimes it guides you in a direction you didn't want to take, but when you feel something for someone, there's a reason. At least, that's what my mother used to tell us..."

Cat let out a shaky sigh. "I never thought it would be telling me what it is telling me. I always thought I would push people away for the rest of my life, and yet I let her in..and I let her in deep. I keep hoping she'll just show up in my quarters like she did."

"Everyone deserves to feel love at least once in their life," Mint paused, looking down at her hands trying to remember that old saying about love. "An old poet named Alfred Lord Tennyson said 'Tis better to have loved than to never have loved at all', and I think even though it hurts, it's true. When my mom died, I returned home for her funeral. Every time I walked into the house I still expected to hear her calling my name in her sing-song way and asking if I wanted to help make dinner," her lower lip quivered. It hadn't been quite a year yet, and her heart still ached. "I'm sure we will find her..."

Pulling her legs up to her chest, Cat stared out across the room, not really focusing on anything. "I..." In the back of her head, and in her heart, she knew how she felt about Sarah. But saying it out loud... "I think I...I do...lo..." She choked back the tears, "Love her..." She buried her face into her knees, letting the tears stream again.

Mint had no words left. She simply crawled over to Cat and pulled her into a hug, crying into her hair. She held her for as long as Cat would let her, gently rocking her and just letting the silence hang in the air around them.

Cat leaned into Mint, the rocking and the hug helping. She had actually admitted it to herself, and to Mint, that she did love Sarah. Her heart sank as she thought of everything that could be happening to Sarah. "Where is she?" she whimpered.

Mint sighed, she had nothing that would help. At this point all they could do was wait for information on Sarah, whether she was dead or alive. Even though her own relationship with the woman was not very good, Mint prayed for Cat's sake that Sarah would be found alive and that she and Cat were reunited. It just wasn't fair for someone to finally find love and have it ripped away from them. Finally, knowing that Cat probably would only have memories of Sarah in her own quarters, Mint decided to give Cat an offer. "I have a spare room in my quarters, would you like to come stay with me for the night? We can even watch a movie until you fall asleep?"

"Tha...thank you, Mint. I think that'll help. Get away from it all, but not be alone." She wiped her eyes, but knew they were likely bright red from all the crying. "Can um..you help me with all this? I shouldn't even be down here as it is doing all this."

"Of course I can," Mint nodded, wiping her own face and smiling. "At least it's late enough that no one will see us?" She laughed and moved to stand. She held a hand out to Cat to help her up as well.

Taking the hand, Cat stood up. "As long as you um..don't tell that I was down here? I shouldn't even be in these systems unless I'm repairing them." She picked up a few of her tools and put them away.

"My lips are sealed so long as you tell no one I was crying," Mint teased and helped clean up. She picked up a few tools and sighed. "Life is never easy, but you will get through this and be stronger on the other side," she said, not sure where the words were coming from. She felt almost like she was channeling her mother. All in all though, she was happy that she'd at least found at least two women who didn't hate her right off the bat because of her body's stupid ability to produce pheromones. "This is quite the setup," she said, eyeing the emitters Cat had set up. "Trying to boost the signal?"

Finishing with the tools, Cat nodded. "Yeah, thought I could do more than with the holographic transmitter in my quarters that I use for testing. But nothing can find the signal, no matter how hard I try." She took a deep breath, doing her best to keep the emotions at bay.

"Well, lets just hope she's got it turned off for safety reasons," Mint said, trying to he hopeful for Cat's sake. "Or that she's in an area that can't get signal." Mint wasn't entirely sure of how Sarah went MIA, just that she was MIA. As they finished cleaning up, Mint dusted off her pants and looked around. "There, like we weren't even here..."

"I wouldn't want M'Mira finding out I was down here. I'm sorry but...she and I don't get along and she'd find a way to write me up or ship me off for being down here. And...I hope you're right. My mind keeps jumping to conclusions ever since I heard she was missing."

"Can't write you up in the Executive Officer gives you a pass," Mint grinned. "Besides, you weren't technically doing anything wrong. Just trying to call someone and having difficulty," she pointed out. "And I've talked with M'Mira, hopefully things will be better now, but I can't guarantee it. I don't know what goes on inside that woman's head."

Cat gave a soft smile about the comments on M'Mira, knowing it'd likely work itself out. "Thank you, really. For all of this. Tonight probably isn't a night for me to be alone."

"I'm glad I came along and found you," Mint put a hand on her shoulder, then dropped it. "Come on, I think those beds are calling our names."

"I am too. Yes, maybe some hot cocoa and whatever that movie is you mentioned too." Cat put the panel back on the wall that she'd taken off. "Let's do this."

 

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